I already done it all. I cut the head off Drag'zath the Warlord, I pierced the heart of Ulgred the Black Dragon, and I threw Lichlord Vagoth into the Soul Well of Bagdur. Now I've got stacks of gold higher than Morkan's Wizard Tower. My sword so sharp it cuts time.
Celestials kicked me out of a cosmic wedding because I got so high I was seeing demons. I don't sleep because the gods don't want me to dream about them. I pour a potion of haste into my morning coffee. They had to turn me into a vampire because the sun was scared to rise. I caused an ice age.
Every chest in my house is a mimic. I gotta kill them things each morning to get my bowl out the cupboard then cast a revival just to put the furniture back. My day is thirty two hours long. I tunnel to the ninth level of hell to pick up abyssal, tweaked out, gilded zaza that I roll in fairy wings and light with the edge of a dead star. I don't trust anyone, I don't even trust myself.
Make a move and perish.
Paddy Dobson
23rd October 2023