I can hear my friend howling downstairs. You and I won’t get to sleep tonight.
Davie is a real nice guy, but from time from time he does get a little grouchy. This is usually when he gets hungry. Which means he hasn’t pulled the soul out through anyone’s eyes in a while. What? Don’t give me that look. A man’s gotta eat. It’s just that, for Davie, he supplants burgers for human souls.
Oh don’t get all high and mighty. You’ll happily eat the flesh of some nameless animal you never met, slaughtered far from view. At least Davie looks his meals in the eye. I mean, he kinda has to.
Who? Er, well bad people mostly. I say bad people, but, you know, moral relativism and all that. They seem like dickheads mostly. Sometimes he does just take whoever is about, but only if he’s starving!
Hm? What is he? Oh, a Celtic’s fan I think. Eh? Oh yeah, he’s human alright. Just a little different is all.
Has he considered not devouring human souls? Are you serious? Well, actually, I’ve never asked him. Maybe he hasn’t. Perhaps he could consider, like, soul veganism.
Well, we best go find him something to eat. Hm? Oh, no. Not you, you’re good. Just don’t look him in the eye when we go downstairs.
Paddy Dobson
12th January 2021